These past two days have been the worst days ever. In six words, I can sum it all up: my life is out of control. It started when I woke up early and was supposed to go into lab to start purifying some proteins by precipitating the excess media that was in the solution. When I woke up, I felt like roadkill ran into the gutter twice over, so I must have fallen back asleep, because the next thing I know, I’m running out the door two minutes before an important seminar starts. Racing my body through campus, I arrive at the seminar 10 mins later, my body is sticky, I’m out of breath, and I’m trying to sneak in and try to stay awake. I went to have lunch, which then turned into an hour lunch cos I was so tired and decided to take a nap. I went in to lab, and realized that I had only 30 minutes before my class. I managed to make intelligent comments in my advanced biomaterials class, even though I had read nothing, and then it was off to immunology, which was even worse because there were class presentations, and we were supposed to have written down questions to papers that I should have read but didn’t because I had been feeling nauseous and tired the night before. So I managed to skim the papers and asked questions in class, then hurriedly jotted down questions on a sheet of paper and turned it in for the extra credit. Then after going to lab and finishing preparing my cells (proteins as of yet were not purified), I realized that I had bible study in an hour. Only to receive a phone call to be asked where I am that bible study is now. Hmm…I swear I remember talking about this and we had decided that Bible study was at 7pm not 6pm, but I then pack up my crap and head out. And then it was suggested that we go to neighboring university to attend their Bible study, and I drew the line. It’s like, wait…I actually have a test in two days that I need to study for, and I really don’t want to go over to another Bible study if we’re having one here. Twenty minutes later, I’m stashed in a car and driven to the other university, and we end up spending two extra hours. I’m semi-livid at this point, not at anyone in particular but at the craziness that is my life. At the end of this meeting, it was like I was being volunteered for stuff that I hadn’t agreed upon, which is fine, but still…
So I’ve gone silent at this point because that’s what I do when I’m particularly stressed out, and it must have showed because I was asked what was wrong. How do you respond? So I was like, I’m just thinking about what we talked about in Bible study, which was partially true, because the present out-of-control-ness of my life is directly proportional to the state of my spiritual life. Anyways, I practically leapt out of the car when I was dropped in front of my dorm, and I grabbed my immunology books and started studying for the test. Only to wake up at 1:45am in the study room and realized that I must have dozed off. Aarrrrgggaghh.
So I tried to wake up early again today, for real this time. I was marginally successful, until the business outfit I had chosen for a presentation today looked incomplete and I realized that the earrings I had were all wrong. In looking for the correct earrings, I realized I had like 4 minutes to catch the bus to a nearby campus where the presentation was, and I again dashed out of my room. I knew I was going to miss the shuttle, but then I tried to see if there was someone who could drive me there. No one was there in lab, presumably because they were all at the presentation already or were on the shuttle. I finally called one of my good friends and she said that she was already on her way. Aaarrghaghhh!
So I tried to take public transportation, tried to take a shortcut, missed the bus, had to go to another station, missed that bus by 3 mins, and realized that if I waited for the next bus, I would be at least 45mins-1hr late for the presentation. At which point I wanted to kill something. It must have showed cos a guy at the train/bus station told me to cheer up. I didn’t trust myself to say anything. I took stock of my life, and in that moment, I realized that my life was out of control. How is it that I am perpetually late, unprepared, sometimes unfashionably dressed, and always feeling like I’m trying to catch up? Why has the disarray that is my calendar translated itself into other areas of my life? And why is it that when I promise to do better, shit happens to just blow all my words in my face and make them seem so empty and stale?
All I know is, I can’t afford to screw this up any more than I already have. Get your life together! By any means necessary. Which probably means I should stop writing and get back to studying.
